George W. Bush Decides The Best Defense Is To Be Offensive

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

In a speech given to the Veterans of Foreign Wars in Washington DC, United States President George Bush warned that’ “We will see more tough fighting and we will see more sacrifice in 2006 because the enemies of freedom continue to sow violence and destruction, and that’s just the Democrats. Iraq might have some problems too.”

The President has apparently decided that in order to counter the growing number of Americans that have become critical of his handling of one the worst debacles in United States military history, the best defense is to become as offensive as possible. He warned that there is a right way and a wrong way to frame the debate about just how stupid his actions as Commander in Chief were. “There is a difference between responsible and irresponsible debate,” said Mr. Bush, “and we need a debate that brings credit of our democracy, not comfort to our adversaries.”

While it is difficult to imagine what would bring more comfort to the Iraqi Insurgency than having George W. Bush leading the charge against them as his wildly successful military strategy has proved so far, apparently the President foresees and even more dire outcome to the conflict if all Americans, Democrats and an increasing number of Republicans don’t just shut up and let him get on with it. “A country that divides into factions and dwells on old grievances cannot move forward and risk sliding back into tyranny., Mr. Bush warned, ” and if you sons of bitches don’t get back on board you’ll be looking at a Democratic President standing here before you in 2008. Now, if that’s not tyranny, I don’t now what is.”

At a time when a newly released study by two of America’s top economists predicted that the cost of the Iraqi adventure could reach two trillion dollars ($2,000,000,000,000.00) American, another year gone by with no reduction in American military deaths, Mr. Bush faces significant hurdles in his quest to convince even his most ardent supporters that he has a clue. Add to this the growing allegations and revelations of Republican crimes and misdemeanors ranging from money laundering and insider trading leveled at the Republican Speaker of the House and the Senate Majority Leader respectively, to allegations of out and out treason, or at the very least obstruction of justice, in the revenge outing of a covert CIA operative by Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney’s Chief of Staff I. Lewis (Scooter) Libby and possibly even the Presidents own Chief Of Staff Karl (The Brain) Rove, as well as a host of other charges against various Aides and Republican lobbyists, Mr. Bush faces an uphill battle at best.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “I know things look pretty bleak now, but it’s important to remind our base, or at least the half dozen members of our base who are left, that things are always darkest before the dawn, and while the names may change as various leaders of the party go to prison, the Agenda stays the same.”