George W. Bush Demonstrates Torture Methods to Convince Republican Lawmakers

Unconfirmed sources report the White House has pulled out all the stops to convince Republican lawmakers to back The President’s torture legalization bill. To further the cause, the President gave a live demonstration of some of the methods to be legalized by the redefinition of the terms used in Article Three of the Geneva Convention.

A small group of reporters and Congressmen were led into the basement of the White House this morning and given live demonstrations of the methods under debate. The demonstrations included the use of dogs, water boarding and electric shock. The President felt so strongly about the presentations that he insisted on participating in the live event.

“The President really knows his stuff.” Said Washington Picayune reporter Norman Hershel. “The President got right in there and showed us how they do it. I was very impressed. The President had that dog dripping saliva right on that poor guy in the mask. And when the President hooked the electrodes on the guy in the mask, he really looked like he had done that before.”

“It was a very educational event.” Says the junior Senator of Colorado, Buck Hoskins. “I learned a lot, we do things a little differently back in Colorado, but the results looked real enough. I just gotta say one thing, the guy they had playing the torturee…I mean interviewee, that guy in the mask, he was great. He really looked like he was being shocked, drown, and half eaten by a dog.”

The results of the presentation could not be immediately known, but all in attendance believed the President had made a very strong case.