Wednesday, January 18, 2006
The White House roundly condemned a descision handed down by the United States Supreme Court that ruled Oregon’s Physican-Assisted Suicide law was indeed legal. The 6-3 ruling, with Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas and newly elected Chief Justice John Roberts dissenting, brings to an end a conflict that’s been simmering since 1997 when the act first passed. In 2001, then Attorney General John Ashcroft declared that only the Federal and State governments could decide to kill some one and that anyone who thought differently “is just too stupid to live.”
President George W. Bush is reportedly incensed by the ruling, vowing that if he can’t pack the high court with Conservatives by the time he leaves office he’s going to buy an online medical degree and assist some suicides of his own, namely David Souter’s, Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s and Stephen Breyer’s.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “I swear, between the War in Iraq, the gas situation, the economy, the polls, the domestic spying, the Social Security debacle, Katrina, the whole ‘every Republican is a lying, cheating, slimey crook’ thing, we’re just at our wits end. The President cries all the time, Dick (Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney) just curses everyone out, Karl just sits in his office talking on the phone to his lawyer and Laura said she’d rather go to Liberia rather than live another minute in the White House. I sure miss Scooter. On the plus side, I’ve been making a killing with my Exxon stock.”
Between 1998 when Oregons Death With Dignity Act was first passed and 2004, 208 Oregoneans have taken their own lives with their doctors help. Projections are, that if George W. Bush isn’t impeached by the end of this year at the latest, 2,678,941 more will try to take advantage of the law, which given the fact that a majority of Oregoneans are Democrats, seems to sit just fine with the White House.