May 21, 2006
In an unprecedented move designed to show his commitment to help stem the tide of illegal immigrants flooding across the Mexican border, United States President George W. Bush flew to New Mexico yesterday. There, while stunned secret service agents and members of his entourage watched, Mr. Bush personally took on more than ten Mexicans who were trying to sneak across into the United States. With fists swinging like a white Joe Frazier on crack, the American president knocked out four Mexican men, disabled three more, allowing Border Patrol guards to arrest them without a struggle and sent the remaining two fleeing back to Mexico.
Then, in order to show his compassion and commitment to his new Guest Worker Program, Mr. Bush gave two of the unconscious Mexicans temporary visa’s and sent them to his ranch in Crawford, Texas to learn English and clear brush ahead of the fire season in that state.
Newly named Unnamed White House Source Jellico Ashby (JA, or Jelly Ash as he is also known) Nudder, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “I couldn’t believe it. My first outing as Unnamed White House Source and this happens. Talk about being thrown into the deep end. I thought I’d have an easy gig, what with Bush being a lame dick