George W. Bush Finally Admits: "It's The Oil, Stupid."

In a speech given at the North Island Air Naval Station in San Diego, California United States President George W. Bush has finally admitted the reason that American Troops were mired down in Iraq, many of them National Guard units whose equipment and personnel are sorely needed to maintain order and commence rescue and reconstruction efforts along the Gulf Coast in the wake of Hurricane Katrina: Oil. That, and he’s also terrified to admit his mistake and look like a loser.

During the speech, Mr. Bush tried mightily to compare himself to Democratic President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, to the extent that he even delivered his address from a wheelchair and sporting an ivory cigarette holder. Speaking about the effects of an American pullout from Iraq the President said, ” …they’d seize oil fields to fund their ambitions, the could recruit more terrorists by claiming an (sic) historic victory over the United States.” Mr. Bush then resoundingly failed to mention that if he hadn’t forced the United States to invade Iraq in the first place, these two rationales for staying there wouldn’t exist.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Sure, it would have been a whole lot better for the people of Biloxi, New Orleans and the entire Gulf Coast if we had all those assets and personnel that are currently mired down in Iraq…the tents, the MRE’s, the trucks and medical personnel, even the millions of square feet of plywood we’ve used so far to build our permanent bases there. Sure, if we had all of the hundreds of billions of dollars available that we’ve spent there then things might have been different in the wake of Katrina. But the people of Mississippi and Louisiana must realize that they’re the ones who voted overwhelmingly for President Bush last November, so any delay in the relief efforts are their own damn fault. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go fill up my gas tank before I need to take out a second mortgage to afford it, that’s of course if there’s any left. “