George W. Bush: "God Told Me To Veto Anti-Torture Bill"

Just days after it became known that United States President George W. Bush told Palestinian leaders Nabil Shaath an Mahmoud Abbas that it was God who told him to invade Afghanistan to fight the terrorists there and Iraq to end the tyranny in that country, Mr. Bush has also revealed that God has instructed him to veto the Senate’s anti-torture clause. The Senate, in an unprecedented 90-10 vote attached the clause to the current Iraq War $440,000,000,000.00 (four hundred forty billion dollar) spending bill. Citing the fact that God does not want his hands tied when it come to the use of torture as an interrogation tool, President Bush, looking absolutely stunning in a skin tight black and red latex cat suit and mask, thigh high stiletto boots and hefting a short leather whip, has promised to veto the anti-torture clause, even if it means stopping the Iraq Occupations military funding and salaries of the troops.

The anti-torture clause, which was introduced by Arizona Senator John McCain, who is the on again, off again conscience of the Republican Party, was expected to easily survive a Presidential Veto as it requires a mere two thirds vote in the Senate to overturn such a veto. In other words, fifteen of the Senators who voted for it can go have coffee somewhere and the override will still go through. Senator McCain, who was a Prisoner of War (POW) for five years during the Vietnam Conflict and had undergone torture during that time by his captors, said he was worried about what effect Mr. Bush’s use of torture on captive terrorist insurgents in Iraq, Afghanistan and Toronto, Canada would have on any Americans captured in the Middle East or Guelph, Ontario. Guelph, as every American knows, is the North American hotbed of radical thought, especially the Small Animal Clinic at the University of Guelph.

The defection from Mr. Bush by Republican Senators has shocked the White House and caps off a summer of trials and tribulations for the Administration. With poll numbers regarding the President’s handling of the war falling so low that they are beginning to match Mr. Bush’s IQ, public blame of the Administration’s lack of response to Hurricane Katrina, crushing gas and heating oil prices that are threatening to undermine the economy and the effects of the Cindy Sheehan protests which brought Mr. Bush’s war performance into sharp focus, the American President is facing a hard Autumn. Add to that the fact that most of his major allies and advisors are either under investigation or facing indictment for crimes ranging from treason to money-laundering and the Winter and Spring don’t look that good either.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “I really don’t know what all the fuss is about. I mean, we’ve been torturing people in Iraq, Guantanamo Bay, Elora, Canada and Afghanistan for years now and everybody knows it. Now McCain is all up in arms just because we’re trying to finally make it legal. I swear, sometimes I just don’t understand that guy (McCain). Doesn’t he understand that God runs this White House? Doesn’t he realize that it was God in the first place who told George Bush that torture was okay? After all, Bush doesn’t make a move without first clearing it with the Big Guy, you know that. Of course, God also told him to gut Social Security, spend the entire massive budget surplus, steal the election from Al Gore and endorse Creationism as a scientific fact. God’s got a funny sense of humor, don’t you think?”