United States President George W. Bush, in a weekend interview with George Stephanopoulos on ABC’s “This Week” denied never, ever, ever saying the phrase “Stay the Course” when describing his policy towards the Pre-Emptive Liberation and subsequent Civil War in Iraq. While Mr. Stephanopoulos (a man whose surname was just made for the ‘copy and paste’ function on my computer) didn’t bother to challenge the President on his assertion, as only 230 or so million people have heard Mr. Bush use the expression repeatedly, others have. By way of explanation, White House officials have been making the rounds of talk shows, street corners and doing mass market mailings in an attempt to clarify Mr. Bush’s remarks.
White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, speaking through the use of smoke signals said, “The President, contrary to popular belief, never did use the expression, ‘Stay the Course’, but I can see how people thought he did…it’s that weird Texas syntax he has. Actually, what he’s been saying is, “Play the Course.” As you know, George Bush is an avid, if shitty, golfer and he’s one of the game’s biggest proponents. All’s he’s been doing is advocating getting out there in sun and getting some exercise.”
Newly named Unnamed White House Source JA Nudder, speaking on the condition of anonymity, echoed Mr. Snow’s comments saying, “George Bush would never advocate a ‘Stay the Course’ strategy regarding Iraq, even though he’s never adapted his strategy regarding Iraq one iota. What he’s been saying is “Pray, of Course”, which believe me, given the situation in Iraq, is all anyone can really do.”
Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking at yet another of the several hundred thousand million fund raisers he’s been attending this election cycle, agreed, “The President, like his father, is well known to hate certain vegetables. If you’ll remember, Bush Senior hated broccoli to the point where he banned it from White House dinners and Air Force One. Well George Junior is the same way, except he hates Eastern European food, so what he was saying was ‘Nay to the Borscht’. I mean, what else would he be saying?”
Secretary of Dense Donald Rumsfeld echoed these thoughts saying, “I certainly never said ‘Stay the Course’, at least not more than fifty to a hundred times, and if I did I never meant it. What I was advocating was grass court tennis, because as we all know, ‘Clay is Coarse’.I wish you people in the press would stop misquoting us.”
While the government’s admonishments to Hay your Horse, Stay with Force and Say it with Morse (code) have certainly clarified their position on speech and syntax, American’s are anxiously awaiting the Administrations strategy for actually winning the fucking war in the first place; sources close to the President promise that this will come when and if Republicans are re-elected to a majority in November. If not, it’ll be the Democrats fault that we’re losing big time.