Unconfirmedsources reports a critical shortage of barf bags will mar the Presidential inauguration. The D.C. Department of Public works fears the improper disposable of hundreds of tons of vomit will endanger the health of D.C. residents.
Event planners were caught off guard by the expected demand for the official George W. Bush Inauguration Barf Bags. Mercer and Gabrielle Reynolds of Ohio, Co-Chairs of the Presidential Inaugural Committee have been struggling to provide Barf Bags for the 49% of D.C. residents that didn’t vote to re-elect the president.
Mercer Reynolds, Speaking to the D.C. press corp commented, “We had no idea the president’s popularity would plunge so rapidly after the election. We thought after the election the war would be won and wow were we wrong about how much it was going to cost. It’s enough to make you really sick to your stomach.”
Gastro intestinal expert, Doc. I.P. Daily, explained other causes for the “upcoming” event. “The average citizen will feel revulsion when seeing a distasteful event, like the inauguration of an unpopular or incompetent President.” Doctor Daily went on to explain that the President is at the center of another distasteful event. “The nomination of the Abu-Grab Torture Master Mind Alberto Gonzales is causing a great deal of intestinal distress.”
Experts agree the City of D.C. will be a dangerous place during and after the inauguration. “Streets will be slippery and the smell is likely to be terrible”. Commented a noted Biohazard expert, off the record. “Thank god for the 911 funding, D.C. has a surplus of level 5 bio hazard suits and boy they will be needed”.
D.C. officials upset about the impending vomit problem issued the following statement. “The Department of public works provides the essential, daily sanitation services that D.C. residents expect from their government, but cleaning up another mess caused by the President is well beyond our capabilities.”