George W. Bush Launches Global War on Torture

Unconfirmed sources report that the Bush administration will announce a new global initiative to stamp out torture. The new ‘War on Torture’ will be the new guiding principle that will inform all foreign policy decisions for Mr. Bush’s second term. This initiative is also seen as a way to boost Bush’s sagging poll numbers with a bold new plan to improve human rights world wide. Our sources indicate the Bush administration will use ALL means at it’s disposal to, in Mr. Bush’s own words, ‘stomp out torture and secretly bury it in a shallow unmarked grave’.

“This is a global problem that demands a global situation.” Said the President at the White House this morning. “Torture is bad. Tortruees are bad people. The people who torture or who are torturees are bad