George Bush’s Approval Rating Matches His IQ For The First Time:
President George W. Bush’s approval rating has dropped to 45%, the lowest number since he assumed entered the Oval Office in January 2001 but still 38% higher than I’ve ever given him. This represents a decline of 9 percentage points in one month. Some of the reasons cited are Mr. Bush’s involvement in the Teri Schiavo case and rising gasoline and fuel oil prices, but mostly more and more Americans are recognizing that, according to the polls, Mr. Bush is “just a mealy-mouthed little dope”.
Say It With Fighters:
Washington has announced the sale of 24 F16 jet fighter planes to Pakistan as a reward for it’s support of the United States in the War On Terrorism. Pakistan, which is responsible for the dissemination of it’s nuclear technology throughout the Asia, Africa and the Indian sub continent through it’s scientist-hero A. K. Khan, has been a reliable ally to President Bush in spite of the fact that one day it’s technology will be used to destroy the planet. President Bush has promised anyone who’ll support him and his crumbling Coalition of the Killing as many bombs, fighters, guns and land mines as they want, just so long as they pretend to like him whenever Laura’s around.
Where’s Steve McQueen When You Need Him?:
Military Guards at Camp Bucca in southern Iraq have discovered a 600 foot long tunnel that prisoners were digging in order to stage an escape. The tunnel was discovered after guards noticed that sewage lines were becoming clogged with dirt and sand which the prisoners were dumping down toilets in the latrines. Apparently the prisoners failed to notice that they were surrounded by millions of acres of fucking sand and could have, with the smallest modicum of intelligence, dumped the stuff right there on the ground. Abdul bull Durham, one of the prisoners in the camp said, “You know, we all watched The Great Escape on video in order to prepare for this but I think the sneaky American guards must have edited some critical scenes. As it was, there was a great deal of discussion about what good Nazi identification papers and the ability to speak flawless German could help us.”
A Bush League Jailbreak Goes Bad:
In a weirdly related story, Florida Governor Jeb Bush was forced to abandon his efforts to stage a jail break of Teri Schiavo, ignoring a ruling by a Florida judge that Ms. Schiavo’s feeding tube be removed and the poor woman finally be allowed to pass on. The Florida Department of Law Enforcement, Jeb Bush’s personal police force, decided that it would not engage in an armed confrontation with the local Sheriff’s Department who were more than willing to stage what some in the department termed “a showdown” with the State goons. Said one Sheriffs Department employee, “We’ve been dealing with having to arrest pro-life children and religion crazed old ladies and overweight Tennesseans, so those idiots from the State had no chance.”