A recently leaked French Intelligence report alleging that al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden died of typhoid fever on August 23 in while vacationing in his summer place in Pakistan has been met with skepticism by the United States. But surprisingly, American intelligence services are not disputing the fact that the Saudi terror chief is dead, but the actual manner of death.
Newly named Unnamed White House Source JA Nudder, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Nobody here is buying that typhoid crap. We have it on good authority that bin Laden died while on a skiing trip to Aspen last Christmas. Apparently, he was hot dogging and hit a spruce.”
When asked where the Administration got their intelligence, since it was so different from the French claims, Nudder responded, “I never said we had any intelligence. No one in the Administration has ever said they had any intelligence and most particularly George W. Bush has always sworn he has no intelligence whatsoever, especially when it came to bin Laden. I’m just saying we have it on good authority that Osama bin Laden was killed when the car he was driving spun out and hit a moose during the Le Mans 24 hour road race.”
It is perhaps the anticlimactically mundane way that bin Laden is reported to have shuffled off the earthly coil that has riled White House officials in general and President George W. Bush in particular. After 5 years of searching high and low in the mountain regions of Afghanistan, Pakistan and the suburbs of Toronto, after enduring numerous video taped messages from the fugitive taunting and threatening America, to have the guy just die in bed of an illness rather that being atomized by a sidewinder missile seems to stick in the President’s craw. However, according to Nudder, that whole typhoid scenario couldn’t be farther from the truth, as bin Laden was obviously killed when he and his Sherpa guide fell into a crevasse while attempting to scale Mt. Everest.
Up till now, Republican Network chatter seemed to suggest that the Bush Administration was planning to announce the capture of bin Laden in time to give the organization a boost before the November mid term elections. But now, with bin Laden having been killed when the experimental balloon he was piloting during his attempt to beat billionaire adventurer Steve Fossett’s around the world record hit a mooring poll in Lakehurst, New Jersey in 1937, those hopes seem dashed.