George W. Bush "Read my lips, We* Don't** Torture***"

Unconfirmed Sources report the President is fighting to defend America’s peaceful, humane and “Christian” values. In his Rose garden speech, the President blasted Democrats and “rebel” Republicans for not supporting his planned kangaroo courts and relaxed rules on torture. His closing statement echoed the famous words of his father, George Bush Sr., “Read my lips, We* don’t** Torture***”

After the speech, White House staffers circulated an internal memo clarifying the Presidents’ statements, and defining Administrations’ positions on the Geneva conventions, inhumane treatment, and the definition of torture.

WE* : We does not include the following US government officials, offices and departments. George W. Bush, Alberto Gonzales, Donald Rumsfeld, General Michael V. Hayden, Dick Cheney, CIA agents and operatives, US troops serving in Iraq, Afghanistan and locations inside and outside the USA. John D. Negroponte and/or countries and persons operating at the request of the US government.

DON’T** : Actually means we “DO” but as we pretend to be “Christians” and this is an election year the world “DO” has been replaced with “Don’t”.

TORTURE*** : The Bush administrations’ definition of torture excludes all items mentioned in article 3 of the geneva convention. The Bush Administration has clarified that the following interrogation techniques are not considered “torture”: Water boarding, hooding, exposure to extreme cold/heat, starvation, isolation, sexual humiliation, mutilation , beating, stress positions and otherwise inhuman and degrading treatment.