George W. Bush Reveals 'Radical' Social Security Reform

(Washington–DC) At a surprise White House press conference, President Bush revealed his long awaited plan to save Social Security from default. “I found this book,” said an upbeat Bush, “now it’s not the Good Book, but it is a good book.”

The good book is “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Surviving Bankruptcy”, which the President purchased on line from Amazon.com. “I heard about this Amazon.com site before,” said Bush. “But I never visited it because I thought it was one of those save the rain forest deals. Turns out, they sell books! And you know what kind of books-good books.” Bush also gave Amazon.com founder, Jeff Bezos, a suggestion. “Rename it something more apparent, like goodbooks.com.”

Bush again went on to warn that government estimates forecast by 2017 Social Security will be paying out more in benefits than it takes in and by 2041 benefits will have to be cut. “Like you folks, I used to think that this wasn’t a problem.” Bush explained. “I thought: ‘Okay, so we just print up more money.’ Thanks to this book, I see that’s just bad physical monetary policy.”

Bush then went on to outline the broad-brush strokes of his plan: 1) take in more money, 2) spend less money, and 3) see 1 & 2. Bush admitted that what appeared simple was, in fact, complex economics and point three may involve “administration costs yet to be determined.” But the President remained confident enough to joke that “if a ‘complete idiot’ can understand this then I guess Congress can to.” When asked how he expected to sell this to Americans much less the Congress, Bush was quick to say that his new plan already has started to pay off. “Because I purchased two other books with this one, I got a ten dollar rebate.”

Next Monday, Bush plans a world wind four day 48 state tour confined exclusively to Starbucks. When asked why Starbucks, Bush replied: “The rumor is they have coffee. But I thought Amazon.com was about rain forests. I might walk into Starbucks with a hankering for a latte and walk out with a plan to invade Iran.”

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