George W. Bush to use massive budget surplus to pay for Katrina and Iraq

Unconfirmed sources report the Bush administration is not concerned with the mounting expense of the Katrina & Rita clean up and the war in Iraq. The Office of Management and Budget (OMB) has been working on a new strategy to turn huge debts into a huge budget surplus. George W. Bush plans to create a surplus by passing massive tax cuts for the rich and by increased spending in Republican held congressional districts. According to figures released by the OMB , this spending combined the new accounting methods and other non tax revenue streams will more than balance the budget.

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan detailed the new fiscal policy. “With a tax reduction of 18% for the top 5% of the tax payers, including US companies based off shore and individuals, we can create and extra 2 trillion dollars of negative revenue over the next 10 years.” The administration projects the net income loss combined with the huge spending increases will result in a 3 trillion dollar surplus after being pro-rated to 2009 dollars. Grover Norquist, president of the group Americans for Tax Reform, admits “Once you get your mind around the fuzzy math this is a stunning advancement in government funding. It’s a true Republican model of how to run a government.”

The OMB admits that more spending and tax cuts alone are not enough to create a budget surplus. Other sources of revenue will be needed. The Presidents’ plan includes tapping into the legal defense funds of Tom Delay, Jack Abramoff, Conrad R. Burns, Michael Scanlon, Karl Rove, Ken Lay and Duke Cunniningham. With presidential pardons assured, millions of dollars, perhaps a billion, will be free to help fund the administrations’ agenda.

Dick Cheney is also demanding all the oil company kick backs and Iraq reconstruction splif be paid directly to the White House to help out. Donald Rumsfeld has also promised he can bring in at least 50 billion dollars in black market profits from the sale of Iraqi oil.

The Bush administration is also planning to sell off the strategic petroleum reserve. Vice president Dick Cheney admits “With sky high energy costs we should be able to make huge profits while still selling the oil to administration supporters at a discount.” This policy will insure oil companies windfall profits that can in turn be used to back future Republican administrations.

Press Secretary Scott McClellan confirmed “Everyone in the administration is pitching in, even Duke Cunningham is donating the 50 foot Yacht given to him by defense contractor, Mitchell Wade.” Thanks Duke.