President George W. Bush went to the Polls today and, followed by gangs of news crews, apparently miscast his vote for Democratic rival Senator John Kerry.
At a firehouse near his ranch in Crawford, Texas before he cast his ballot Mr. Bush said, “I want the American People to know that when I do something I follow through on it. You may not agree with me, but you know I’ll stand by my actions.” Then, possibly exhausted by weeks on the campaign trail, a bleary eyed Bush went into the booth and voted the straight Democratic Party ticket, including John Kerry.
Normally the way an American votes is private, but the assembled reporters and poll workers heard Mr. Bush loudly exclaim, “Shit! I don’t believe I just voted for that Bastard Kerry. Fuck me!” As he emerged from the polling booth Mr. Bush was inundated by reporters questions asking him whether or not he had mistakenly cast his ballot. The President responded, ” As a matter of fact, I did happen to cast my vote for John Kerry, but it wasn’t a mistake. I don’t make mistakes. I voted for Kerry so I must support Kerry and I urge the American People to support him as well. You gotta remember…” At this point Mr. Bush was grabbed and gagged by members of his staff and carried away to his limousine and back to the Crawford Ranch.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” To be honest, he’s (President Bush) not the only one from the White House who went with Kerry. I know for a fact the Colin Powell has been wearing a Kerry tee shirt under his suit for months; I saw it while he was changing in the State Department gym after a workout. Condi Rice is still for Bush, as is Paul Wolfowitz and Karl Rove, but I think that Laura went with the Libertarian Party this year; she never could stand the irresponsible fiscal policies of her husband.”
Confused Republican voters who have been blindly supporting the President no matter what he’s done for the last four years have been seen wandering about, bumping confusedly into each other and asking questions such as, “To support Bush we vote for Kerry? Is that right? Kerry is Bush? We’re Democrats? Why didn’t he tell us sooner?”