George W. Bush Was On Secret Mission In Vietnam!

Unconfirmed Sources report White House to release top secret documents to fill in Mr Bush’s war record. These new documents prove that far from sipping mint juleps in a Louisiana whore house during Vietnam, Mr Bush was on a secret mission deep in enemy territory.

According to White House insiders the mass of documents , nearly 200 lbs of them including pictures, detail an amazing saga of courage and leadership that Mr Bush displayed in ferocious combat.

“We knew it has to be something like this.” said a relieved junior White House staffer. “We just couldn’t believe that Mr Bush was a scaredy cat who used family connections to avoid the war, like the other chicken hawks in the administration.”

The papers document a Top Secret mission deep into enemy territory in a vain attempt to disrupt the flow of materials into the the war zone. Bush lead a small group of 20 soldiers from the Texas Air National Guard who volunteered for the near suicide mission called “Hells Kitchen.”

The men were dropped deep into hostile territory and told to destroy materials and disrupt the flow of arms down the Ho Chi Min Trail to stop the Tet offensive. The team of man, equipped to look like a local militia force, cut a swath of destruction behind enemy lines nearly barehanded. The team got into trouble when they attacked a force of over 5000 VC guarding valuable supplies. The team destroyed the supplies and then made a desperate fighting retreat to an extraction point. The VC was on their heels the entire time and nearly every man on the Bush team was seriously wounded. Bush reportedly carried two wounded men the last ten miles to the extraction point and held off the VC at the same time.

“Mr Bush is a real american hero.” said chicken hawk and Bush henchmen, Karl Rove. “He is a man of great personal courage and I’m just glad we can finally tell the american people the truth about his service to this great country. God bless America and Mr Bush!!”