At a campaign stop in the battleground state of Ohio today President George W. Bush pointed to his record on the job front. With a pleased smirk Mr. Bush proudly pointed out to a confused group of Republican Party faithful that his Administration was the first in seventy years to actually end up with negative job growth. The audience, while a bit bemused at the Presidents admission applauded wildly anyway; after all, that’s what the were paid to do. However, the statement raised questions among the reporters pool.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Look, the President ran on a platform of jobs cremation and we’ve cremated over 3 million jobs. As a matter of fact, we couldn’t lose enough jobs in this country by the traditional routes so we first asked Ken Lay to bankrupt Enron…then we got World Com to go belly up. That collapsed the markets, costing trader and financial jobs. But even that wasn’t good enough for George Bush so he rolled up his sleeves and got busy by actually sending jobs that still existed to India and Mexico. Is he great or what?”
When informed that what the country wanted was jobs creation, not job cremations, Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of more anonymity responded, ” What? Creation? What the hell are you talking about? We were sure it was cremation. It’s gotta be cremation. You’re yanking my chain, aren’t you?”
When informed that this reporter was definitely not yanking Waterhouse’s chain, he replied, speaking on the condition of more anonymity, “Actually, I always kinda wondered about that. It must be the way he talks. You know, he has a way of running words through the phonetic meat grinder that I personally find just so cute but can sometimes really change a meaning. No Child’s Left Behind was one example. We thought it was supposed to be an anti-molestation bill and it turned out to be an education program, No Child Left Behind. One letter can sure screw things up. Now that I think about it, maybe it was Iran we were supposed to attack, not Iraq. Oh well, it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day, I suppose. After all, who actually listens to George Bush anyway?”