Washington — Unconfirmed Sources fortunately has a
‘ mole’ in the White House who passes on to us what takes place there behind closed doors.
The mole, late last night, placed a tape for us under a rock in a Washington park, of a secret meeting between Karl Rove and the President, at which plans were made to fabricate ‘news’ to distract from the ongoing Iraq disaster.
Here’s a printout of the tape:
Bush: ” Turd Blosson, things are going from bad to worse in Iraq. You gotta come up with some fake news to get Iraq off of the media for a while!”
Rove:” I agree. Iraq is slowly coming back and replacing Dancing with the Stars, Entertainment Tonight, and Paris Hilton going into the slammer.”
B: ” Sometimes I awake from nightmares that you’ll be gone and I’ll have to do my own thinking.”
R: I’ve come up with some real hot stuff. George, that the prime time news will salivate over for the next week or so, and will knock Iraq off, at least for a while, when we can again think of something else. “
B: “I knew I could rely on you, Turd Blossom. Let’s hear it!”
R: Well, we found a guy named Andrew Speaker whose going on a honeymoon to Europe with a bride whose father works for the Center for Disease Control as a specialist in dangerous tuberculosis. We’ve arranged with the CDC to have Speaker’s health record of an allergy to ragweed, changed to INCURABLE TB! Imagine the fear among plane passengers and others, as we push the horror of this for all it’s worth! It’ll be the number one item for quite a while!”
B: “Great! Anything else?”
R: “You bet, boss! What has always worked well in the past, is, ‘Terrorist plot uncovered to blow up something’, and we’ve got a good one.
R: “Yeh!” How about the FBI uncovering a plot to blow up the fuel pipeline to JFK Airport in New York? We will pick up some guys with Arabic names, work up a good scenario about how they were going to get explosives from Iran or some traitorish Democrat and we have left over photos of the Kuwait oil fields spewing smoke after Saddam’s invasion we can use. We picked JFK, as the name will raise emotional levels. We’ll quietly let the ‘perpetrators’ go when things die down.”
B: “Go to it! Also you better start thinking of some more really big fake news, as I suspect things are going to get much worse in Iraq soon”.
R: “We’ve got a great one in the wings, George. How about the Taliban capturing a Carnival Cruise Line ship in the Bahamas and beheading eight hundred passengers?”
B: ” Terrific! Imagine me, wearing my Admiral’s uniform, standing on the bloody deck of the cruise ship as it is being towed into Cape Canaveral and ordering the entire Atlantic Fleet to pursue the terrorists.”
R: “Working on it, George. I’ve gotta go. I’m late for a meeting with Gonzo ( Alberto Gonzales). He found another U.S. Federal Attorney who might be a Democrat.”
B: ” Great guy, Gonzo!”