New York, NY (APE) – The headquarters for the Rudolph Giuliani presidential campaign today released a statement in which Giuliani admits to a long-term and ongoing affair with former Speaker of the House and also possible Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich. Giuliani further admitted that he was engaged in the affair during the time in 1998 in which Gingrich led the successful Republican charge for impeachment against then-President Clinton over lying under oath in regards to sexual indiscretions with White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
A spokesperson for the Giuliani campaign maintained that the relationship between Gingrich and Giuliani has always been nothing more than platonic. They described Giuliani as being “captivated” by the power and sheer animal magnetism of Gingrich, a man of Kennedyesque sexual appetites. If confirmed, this would be the fourth affair attributable to Gingrich, currently married to his third wife who represents his second or third affair, depending upon the interpretation.
Offices of the former Speaker of the House Gingrich stated simply that the descriptions of the affair are “accurate” and would not elaborate further. Gingrich himself would offer no comment, and insiders have described his current wife as “devastated”.
Giuliani was later reached for comment, and when asked to elaborate on the possible hypocrisy of the affair, he had this to say:
“The Clinton indiscretion is entirely different… I am guilty of only lusting in the heart like former President Carter. Besides, he committed perjury, and I’ve never had to testify to any of this under oath. I made the decision to come forward with my admissions after I saw that the Democrat candidate Barack Obama had returned to Harvard to pay his parking tickets. He has really set the bar for ethics in the 2008 campaign thus far.”
Gingrich, who earlier this week admitted to a second extramarital affair that occurred during the Clinton impeachment, was later embraced by religious fundamentalists James Dobson and Jerry Falwell for coming forwards with his story. Falwell consequently invited Gingrich to lecture at Liberty University.
A spokesperson for Liberty University, when contacted, stated that the latest Giuliani revelation had changed nothing, and that indeed an invitation had been advanced to Giuliani to have the two appear at a joint speaking engagement on “the modernization of family values”.
“We want America to know that a new day has dawned with religious tolerance for alternative lifestyles,” stated the spokesperson. “Both the Republican Party and the Southern Baptist Association have huge revival tents under which everyone is welcome.”