Giuliani Drops Bid, Pledges Connections to McCain

Miami, FL (APE) – Former New York Mayor , and former GOP Republican presidential candidate front-runner Rudy Giuliani last night announced that he would be dropping his run for the presidency after a humiliating third-place finish in Florida, the only state in which he actively campaigned. Giuliani seemed to run solely on his popularity as mayor of New York City during the time of the 9/11 attacks. Critics are left to ponder whether his defeat occurred because of his own self-destruction or if the American public has finally chosen to bury the past of 9/11 and move on.

Giuliani was dogged throughout his campaign by charges of improprieties, corruption, and strong-arm techniques. He was famously exposed as bilking the city of New York for expenses and security during trysts with his former mistress and now wife. His former police chief, Bernard Kerik, whom Giuliani had once highly recommended to the Bush administration as a potential director of homeland security, was also indicted on corruption charges.”One man’s character flaw is another man’s leadership skill,” dismissed a former Giuliani campaign worker.

The Giuliani campaign stated that he would now begin utilizing extensive connections and calling in favors for Arizona Senator John McCain’s presidential campaign. “He’ll do whatever it takes to put John McCain in the White House… it will be an offer that America can’t refuse” stated a campaign official.

McCain officials stated that Guiliani’ s entire Florida fundraising operation had been bundled aboard the “straight talk” express and, provided there was no interstate police interference, would travel to the next McCain campaign stop, hoping to scare up the funds to make him competitive.