Global Warming, Nuclear Attack And Alberto Gonzales …Is America Ready For Crisis?

Despite the trauma’s facing the United States in recent years from the latter decade of the twentieth century to the entire seven years of this one, worries are forming that while we as a people are becoming used to crisis, those we look to for guidance in such times are woefully unprepared. And while the Bush Administration keeps insisting they’re on top of things, media analysts aren’t so sure.

From traditional television and radio outlets to the newer web based media, graphic designers, announcers and tag writers are struggling to keep ahead of all the potential tragedies facing America in the time of Bush. Even some in the Bush Administration itself are secretly worried. Newly renamed formally Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse. speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “While we’re prepared to come up with tags for an occasional war, like ‘Operation Desert Shield’ and ‘Desert Storm’, we’ve never been very good at naming natural or man made disasters. That can be a real problem when it comes to framing the debate to make it look like it’s not our fault. Do you realize that initially the Pentagon was going to call ‘Operation Desert Storm’ ‘Operation Iraqi Liberation’? Operation O.I.L., I mean, Jesus.”

Continuing to speak anonymously, Waterhouse continued, “The point is, coming up with a cool name or acronym for pre-emptive invasions and scandals takes time and quite frankly, we’re worried we can’t keep up…Korea, Iran, Global Warming, Alberto Gonzales, Valerie Plame and the list goes on and on. Our whole Tag Line Department (TLD) has been working overtime just to keep up.”

Civilian media outlets are facing the same concerns, only to a far greater degree. Not only do they have to come up with names and graphics for everything from schoolyard shootings to earthquakes and floods, each has to be unique to that station’s social and political bias. Obviously, what Fox News calls any potential investigation into Attorney General Alberto Gonzales’ criminal activities would be far different from how, say, PBS or CNN would label it. The plethora of new media and news outlets have just made the crisis worse. The problem seems to be that universities around the nation have been focusing on the wrong curriculums…pushing degrees in health care, the sciences and education over the graphic arts. Even voice over actors are facing laryngitis do to overwork.

Just ten years ago the idea that American’s would have been facing a dearth of cool graphics and disaster names would have been unthinkable, but given that George W. Bush still has nearly two years left in office, the crisis shows no signs of abating anytime soon.