Gonzales Adds Name to Growing List No longer Trusting Attorney General

Washington. DC
(APE) – Maria Gonzales, the elderly mother of floundering Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, stepped forward at a brief press conference at the White House this morning to announce that she was reluctantly adding her name to a list of both Republican and Democratic politicians who felt they could no longer trust his motivations. Gonzales, in her 70s, was immediately taken back to her undisclosed location after the press conference was abruptly terminated by White House security.

“This is very hard for me,” stated Gonzales, “It’s always hard on a mother when a child goes wrong. Deep inside I still feel Alberto is a good man, his only sin is that he fell for some very bad advice from those he was trying to help. Rather than see him get deeper into trouble, I’ve told him that I think he should just quit and come home for a while. I would love to have a little more time with the grandchildren, too.”

According to a White House spokesperson, the press conference was arranged with an understanding that Ms. Gonzales had wanted to offer words of encouragement and support for her son. Gonzales’ press conference comes as the White House appears to be breathlessly anticipating a possible showdown over subpoenas from both the Senate and House of Representatives later this week, as they continue to consider possible obstruction of justice charges against the Attorney General and the Bush administration over the growing scandal of the apparent political firing of eight US attorneys last December.

“I knew this was headed for trouble years ago when Alberto came home telling me about how torture was really okay, and that he was helping to rewrite the laws on it,” stated Gonzales. “This is not like him, and I could see that he was just trying to be his usual, helpful self with some very bad men. I never have liked this whole idea of having to go into hiding because of terrorists.”

A spokesperson for Senate Judiciary committee chair Patrick Leahy stated that they would now be considering asking Ms. Gonzales to come forward to testify voluntarily, and did not rule out the possibility of a subpoena if needed. A testy press release from the White House stated that there would be no further access to Ms. Gonzales in any way, shape, or form, claiming a higher order of “executive privilege” than that which they believe is spelled out in the Constitution.

When asked to comment on his mother’s remarks later in the day, the Attorney General smiled to reporters and said simply, “She’s old.”