Washington, DC (UPSI) – Administration officials today admitted that Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez would be absent from public view over the next week in order to rehearse his testimony for his upcoming appearance before Congress with American Idol survivor Sanjaya Malakar. Gonzalez is in the political fight for his life over the controversial firings of eight US attorneys, and the White House appeared to be desperate to pull out all stops in order to ensure his survival.
American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar has been involved for weeks in a similar fight for his very public life over accusations of lack of qualifications and incompetence as an entertainer. Despite razor sharp criticism from all quarters, Sanjaya continues to survive largely thanks to the efforts of radio talk show host Howard Stern and others who have mounted a massive campaign to have the worst and least qualified person be victorious as perhaps a statement to the absurdity of the show and American viewers captivated by it.
The White House has been apparently quick to notice the similarities between the plights of Malakar and Gonzales, and are looking to tap into the personal qualities that have allowed Sanjaya to continue against all odds, as well as possibly tapping into the online resources responsible for his survival.
“This kid really cannot sing at all,” stated Ed Gillespie, a former Republican national Committee Chairman, and head of the effort to coach Gonzalez. “This is precisely the same problem with the Attorney General, he simply cannot be allowed to sing. Sanjaya is just a wholesome kid whose boyish good looks have carried him through, and we want to find out how we can best utilize the same qualities of the Attorney General.”
Gillespie stated that the group had been in contact with representatives for Howard Stern in an effort to possibly include mention of the Attorney General during his daily talk show. They had also contacted more than a dozen GOP lawmakers to seek support, and were looking to collaborate with votefortheworst.com as a way of getting out the importance of Gonzales’ survival.
Gillespie cited early success with the plan, stating that a number of Internet sources had already increased the Attorney General’s odds by three to one in favor of survival over the next two weeks.