Boy I got’a tell you it has been tough at Unconfirmed Sources this last year. Ours is a lonely life spreading the seed of truth, half truth, or what ever else we feel like spreading on the parched and dusty vista that is the corporate controlled media landscape, but somebody has to do it. As we look forward to the coming year we thought a recap of the events of 2004 might be in order.
Things really started with a bang last year as our offices were raided and destroyed by Federal agents in January. Fortunately, an unconfirmed source tipped us off and we were able to flee our offices before the attack. Over the next several weeks the staff split up and most managed to slip over the border into Canada, the others went to ground within the US.
Most or our staff then joined the Canadian SPP(Satirist Protection Program) and became clerks at 7-11 convenience stores. A few of us decided to carry on and had UCS up and running with funds we gathered by running paper routes and lemonade stands.
The UCS mobile command center, a 1972 Vega, was launched in April and we hit the road with an old Dell laptop and a used wireless networking card. We worked hard to reestablish secret links to our old and reliable unconfirmed sources with the help on many like minded people. The secret aid we received from Chuck Terzella’s top-secret White House mole Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse came in real handy. Thanks for the $20 Pudgy; your secret identity is safe with us.
Things went well for a few months until the Vega was ‘accidentally’ stuck by a missile fired from a remotely control CIA drone, good thing we were not in it at the time. That really put a cramp into our style. We learned later that the CIA had traced us by our newly acquired mobile satellite phone that were using for our Internet hook up.
We fled the wreckage of the Vega and have since fanned out to confuse the authorities. The sad truth is the writers of UCS are a sad stateless people, wandering the globe trying to make a living while serving the greater good.
So, to 2005 I say bring it on! And as for 2004, good riddance!