Google, Inc. announced today that it has a new ‘caffeine enhanced’ search engine that is ten times faster than its old search engine.
“Our new search engine is super fast”, said Google software engineer Matt Cutts. “We are going to destroy Bing, Yahoo and every other search engine out there!”
Cutts demonstrated that the old Google search engine took nearly .09 of a second to return results. The new search engine can return results in less than .001 seconds.
“Time is valuable for people”, Cutts continued. “They don’t want to be sitting around for that tenth of a second waiting for the page to load. They have more important things to do”.
Google user Eli Tish stated “with the old search engine I had time to tap my finger before the page loaded. Now I don’t have time to tap my finger”.
A spokesperson for rival search engine Bing claims they are testing a version of Bing that will return results in less than .00001 seconds thus making them even faster than the caffeine induced Google.