GOP Issues New Racial Epithet Glossary

In an effort to counter all of their candidate’s verbal faux pas’, from the use of “tar baby” by Sen. John McCain and earlier last year, Mitt Romney, to the now famous macaca comment uttered by Sen. George Allen during his failed election campaign, the National Republican Party is issuing a new glossary of seemingly benign words and phrases that may be used in place of actual racial slurs candidates are thinking in order to hide their true feelings about African Americans, Asians, Native Americans, Hispanics, women and those of Middle Eastern descent. The hope is that using these new code words will curb the seemingly uncontrollable urges Republican office seekers have to insult the very people they’re cravenly trying to curry favor with.

The new book, entitled “Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink”, runs to 3,456 pages and hopefully covers everyone Republican Party member’s despise. In addition to actual suggested terms, the glossary also includes prohibited epithets that should never be used, except in closed fundraisers, of course. Each word is cross-referenced for ease of use. Samples of the soon to be released volume include the following terms:

African Americans- Don’t say: Black Folk, Tar Baby, Nigger, Shine, Bro’s, Brothers and Sisters, Darkies, etc. Say instead, “Our friends whose ancestors that first Republican, Abraham Lincoln, fought so hard to free”. Of course, feel free to think ‘fucking gang banger ghetto junkies’ as you say this.

African American Women- Same as above, but think “Bitches and Ho’s”

Italians: Don’t say- Wop, Guini, Goomba, Guappo, Luigi, Pasta Eaters, Mafia, Cosa Nostra, Slimy Papists, etc.
Say instead: “My friends whose glorious heritage we celebrate every Columbus Day”. Think “Dirty, greasy, meatballs.”

Spanish People: Don’t say- Spic, Beaner, Low Riders, Greasers, etc. Say instead, “Our fine Hispanic friends. Think “Fucking Wetbacks”

Senator Hillary Clinton: “Don’t say- Senator Hillary Clinton, Hillary, the Junior Senator from New York, the former First Lady, etc. Say instead, “That lying Bitch”. Think ‘that lying bitch’.

Senator Barak Obama: Don’t say- Senator Obama, the Junior Senator from Illinois, etc.
Say instead, “My distinguished opponent.” Think “That fucking mutt who’s kicking my ass.”

The complete glossary is available to registered Republican candidates for the somewhat hefty fee of $750.00 through the GOP National Committee or as a download from the Rush Limbaugh website. Also enclosed in the volume is a rebate form from the Halliburton Corporation.