Unconfirmed sources report that the Discovery Channel’s Shark Week programming will be cut short this year as guest host Jamie Hyneman has been bitten by a great white shark. The incident occurred yesterday during the last day of filming for the coming week’s shark related programs. Hyneman was badly injured while trying to determine if sharks prefer beef brisket over bacon when they are in an agitated state. The Discovery Channel, home to Hyneman’s regular program Mythbusters, refused to comment on the incident pending notification of Hyneman’s next of kin.
“The experiment was going well.” Says Kari Byron, Mythbuilder and famous backside model. “We had Jamie and Adam in their brisket and bacon suits inside the shark cages when suddenly all hell broke lose. A massive great white charged up and ripped the cage Jamie was in right off the boat. The shark then crushed the cage in his mouth and went after Jamie who was wearing the beef brisket suit. It’s a miracle Jamie survived.”
The entire incident was captured on tape and shows Hyneman battling the shark with his bare hands. Hyneman who is an experienced wilderness survival expert, captain, diver, and aquatic animal wrangler, used all of skills to escape the beast. Hyneman fended off the huge great white shark with one hand while he shed the beef brisket suit with the other. Only Hyneman’s massive brute strength and animal cunning, equal to that of the shark, allowed him to survive with only minor injuries.
“This was a silly experiment.” Notes shark expert George Burgess, of the University of Florida. “It has been well documented that great white sharks prefer brisket over bacon. These men had no business attempting such a dangerous experiment. I myself pioneered the study of great white shark food preferences and published the definitive work on the subject titled: Great White Shark Food Preferences: A definitive study.”
Further study finds that several researchers have been killed while working in this field, including a man working with George Burgess. Hyneman’s survival of the incident is truly amazing.
In the wake of the near disaster Hyneman was heard to say “I don’t care if I ever put on a suit made of raw beef brisket and jump into shark infested waters again.”
The show’s other host Adam Savage agreed with the sentiment and then joined Hyneman in a lunch of soggy BLT sandwiches.
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