Haditha Marines Ordered to Take Sensitivity Training Classes

Unconfirmed sources report that all the Marines involved in the Haditha massacre have been ordered to take sensitivity courses as punishment for their misdeeds. The course is said to be very intensive and will take most Marines several hours to complete. The Haditha Marines will only be the first to take the course as Navy top brass have indicated that every Marine in theater will eventually be required to take the course.

“This course is the toughest of its kind I have ever seen.” Bragged General Pace, the chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff. “This is a tough course for tough men, who are in a tough position. This is not some ‘please and thank you’ manners course this is a real ‘should I shoot this child in the head?’ kind of training that will sharpen the minds of our guys in the field. After this training I think events like Haditha will not be making the news.”

The course, designed by an ex-Marine commander, called ‘Killing with kindness: A Marines Guide to Warfare’ has been a part of Navy’s basic training for a few years, but was not required for older Marines. The Navy has vowed to make the course mandatory for all Marines and has even offered to give the course for Army and Air Force Personnel. The adoption of the course service wide has, however been met with criticism by some.

“This course is a bunch of crap.” Says one Marine, who whished to remained anonymous. “We are Marines, we don’t have time to think about weather some guys is a good guy or a bad guy. You know the old saying ‘Kill’em all, let God sort’em out’, well that is the way it is sometimes. It’s not pretty. I admit that, but really, we are trained to kill people and blow up things in the name of the American people. You can’t send us over there and say ‘Oooh some body got hurt’ it is our job to hurt people. Honestly if the President is ‘troubled’ when a bunch of Marines kill a bunch of Iraqis he should ask himself why the hell he sent us here.”

The courses will begin immediately and experts estimate that it will take approximately 13 years for all Marines to take the course.