The close friends and followers of Harold Camping the spiritual leader and long time host of the Family Radio Network that has broadcast his call-in shows for decades have shown that although Mr. Camping’s first assertion that the Apocalypse would occur on May 21, 2011 failed to be accurate, rather than being disillusioned or angry, they are indeed, as the Bible urges us, forgiving and filled with love. Of course, in their case, the ‘love’ part seems to have been the love of good old fashioned practical joke to be played on Mr. Camping, who had revised his “End Time” date from last May till October 21, 2011.
After Mr. Camping went to bed last night (October 20th), all the members of his household, including his medical attendants, quietly left the building; but before going, they had secretly set up hidden video cameras in every room of the house. With the connivance of Mr. Camping’s neighbors, who agreed to park their cars at odd angles all over his block with doors ajar and remain hidden indoors, the stage was set for one of the best jokes of the Apocalypse.
This morning Mr. Camping awoke to find, at least to his way of thinking, that the Rapture had indeed occurred and that everyone, including the nasty drunk neighbor he’d spent the last five years feuding with over a property line dispute, had been taken to Heaven overnight and that he apparently had been the only person “Left Behind”.
Lorenzo Vasquez, Mr. Camping’s illegal Mexican gardener (for as Mr. Camping has many times said, “The meek shall inherit the Earth, and you can’t get any meeker than a guy who gets $5.50 an hour to edge your sidewalk) was quoted as saying, “Mira, at first I was a leetle afraid that Senor Camping would have another stroke when he woke up and saw us all gone, but Madre Dios, how upset can you be about a guy who pays you $5.50 an hour?”
The video cameras recorded Mr. Camping moving from room to room, calling out the names of his family and friends, then finding a note taped on the refrigerator that said, “Dear Harold, Sorry you couldn’t come, but your medicines on the bathroom sink shelf and there are Cheerios and milk for breakfast. If there’s anyone left at the grocery store, I think they deliver. We’d say, ‘God Bless’, but that would be cruel. Loved, The Saved”.
The next scene of the video showed Mr. Camping sitting down in his easy chair and muttering, “Son of a fucking bitch. After all I’ve done for that guy (Jesus Christ)”. The second to last shot is of all Mr. Camping’s family bursting into the room screaming, “Surprise!”, and the final scene is of Mr. Camping being wheeled out to an ambulance on a gurney with an IV drip bag attached and an oxygen mask covering his face.
As Mr. Vasquez put it after Mr. Camping had been stabilized and taken off life support, “Jesu Christo, that guy scared the Sheet outta me last May…this was just a leetle, how you say, payback.”