Hawaiian Quake Triggers North Korean Security Alert

Pyongyang, North Korea (Rotters) – North Korean state television KRT this evening reported that North Korea went on a heightened state of alert after what it claimed was a nuclear test centered on the northwestern shore of Hawaii. The state run television system stated that the North Korean ambassador would be filing a complaint with the United Nations and seeking sanctions against the US on Monday.

The Bush administration, while admitting that the US possessed weapons that were perfectly capable of the readings apparently obtained by North Korea, denied that any such nuclear tests had taken place.

North Korean President for life, Kim Jong-Il, went further, accusing President Bush and the United States of attempting to create a tsunami, which would have a devastating effect upon the coast of North Korea. Jong-Il hinted that North Korea’s top secret Mo-Dung missile was capable of reaching Hawaii in retaliation.

Hawaiians, in the meantime, began to dig themselves out from what appeared to be a magnitude 6.5 earthquake. White House spokesperson Tony Snow again assured the public that the leaked top secret program, “Divine Pineapple” had nothing to do with the earthquake early Sunday morning.

Spokespersons for the White House also assured government officials in Hawaii that FEMA had plans in place for dealing with the crisis. Former FEMA head Michael Brown was reportedly already in transit to assess the situation and would be reporting to the President and Homeland security chief Michael Chertoff.