Hayden Admits CIA Destroyed Mitchell Report in Closed Senate Session

Washington, DC (APE) – Stunned Congressmen listened in disbelief today as CIA director Michael Hayden revealed that lawyers for the CIA had authorized the destruction of all tapes and materials relevant to the Mitchell Report on drug use in Major League Baseball which was scheduled for release tomorrow. Hayden revealed that there was considerable conversation between the CIA and the White House in regards to the investigation over the past year and insisted that White House lawyers had not said, “Hell no, don’t destroy them.”

The report had been expected to name 50 or more major players implicated in the abuse of various substances throughout their careers. It is now unlikely that Commissioner Bud Selig will be pressing the players association in regards to fines and further hearings, and it is rumored that all charges against San Francisco Giant Barry Bonds will be dropped.

“Mr. Hayden told us that the depth and breadth of the problem of drug use in baseball was so widespread that it bordered upon a national disgrace and therefore a security issue,” stated hearing attendee Jay Rockefeller D-WV. “The CIA is now insisting that key senators were apprised of its intentions to destroy the documents all along. I, for one, am skeptical, and an independent counsel needs to be appointed.”

The destruction of the Mitchell Report in its entirety comes on the heels of the Bush administration’s this week announcing that its strategies in the war on drugs have been largely successful. White House spokesperson Dana Perino insisted that the president had no knowledge of the destruction of the report prior to today and that the two events were not related in any way.

Sources close to the investigation were critical of the CIA’s explanation for the destruction of the report. A more likely explanation, they insisted, was that the CIA was fearful of revealing undercover operatives as well as supply and distribution sources as a result of the ongoing investigation.