Herman Cain Defends Harassment Claims


Front running GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain admitted today that he has sexually harassed “a few women” but defended his actions by claiming he was just being “presidential”.

“The greatest presidents in history have been sexual harassers”, Cain stated. “Take a look at Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, LBJ, Clinton. They all harassed women and they are the greatest presidents we have ever had!”

Cain claims that if the media would just keep their mouths shut about the harassment claims then he could win the presidency, restore the economy, bring millions of jobs to the country and restore the dignity of the United States to the world.

Cain claims that his type of harassment is much milder than previous presidents. “Thomas Jefferson slept with his slaves!” Cain stated. “Lincoln used women like dishrags. FDR always had floozies while his wife was having a lesbian affair. JFK slept with any sexy woman he could get his mitts on. LBJ was alleged to be homosexual yet he still mistreated women. And we all know about Clinton!”

Cain continued, “We need a sexual harasser in the White House! Sexual harassment is what made this great country what it is!”

Cain claims that he will be the greatest president in history because, as he said, he’s “got what it takes to be a great leader”.