High Winds, Middle East Wins And Billy Ray's Chagrin- Unconfirmed Sources News Briefs- Sunday, Fe…

White House Christmas Tree Blown Down! Impeach Obama, Stat!

High winds that engulfed the East Coast blew down the Christmas tree in front of the White House this weekend, the final proof for many Americans in the Tea Party and other conservative groups that United States President Barack Obama is a godless heathen. The Rev. Festus P. Hyman of The Church of God Loves Guns in Billings, Montana, in his Sunday sermon, said, “Would God let His only Son’s birthday tree stand in front of the house of a socialist/muslim/radical/atheist/communist/democrat/foreigner? I don’t think so, and I bet you don’t either. If you don’t, then you ain’t no good Christian. That fact that the winds caused destruction all over the place just proves that God didn’t do it just cause Bama is a knee-grow.”

Dictators Fall Down! Nuke The Middle East, Stat!

The popular revolutions springing up across the countries of the Middle East and have already resulted in the fall of the Egyptian and Tunisian governments and are threatening those of Bahrain, Iran, Libya, Yemen and Wisconsin are the final proof for many Americans in the Tea Party and other conservative groups that United States President Barack Obama is a godless heathen. Unnamed Tea Party Source, Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Would God let all these revolutions happen if America wasn’t under the thumb of a socialist/muslim/radical/atheist/communist/democrat/foreigner? I don’t think so, and I bet you don’t either. If you don’t, then you ain’t no Strict Constructionist Conservative. The fact that all of these Islamies are calling for democracies instead of the dictatorships that any good American knows we should support cause they’re…they’re…um, well, let’s leave that for a minute, but the fact that all these crazy people all over the place don’t support the United State’s Constitution just proves that God didn’t do it just cause Bama is a knee-grow.”

Billy Ray Cyrus Feels Down! Impeach Satan, Stat!

Country music star and actor Billy Ray Cyrus, in an interview conducted a mere five day’s after his daughter and Disney’s “Hannah Montana” star, Miley now infamous bong hit video hit the net blames himself, Satan and the eighteen year old star’s handlers for the destruction of his family and his fears that his daughter will suffer the same fates as Michael Jackson, Curt Cobain and Anna Nicole Smith…in other words, that she would overdose, shoot herself and marry a billionaire then overdose again, although not necessarily in that order, said, “Would God let all these things happen if America wasn’t under the thumb of a socialist/muslim/radical/atheist/communist/democrat/foreigner? I don’t think so, and I bet you don’t either. The fact that I support the President just proves that God didn’t do it (all Miley’s troubles) just cause Bama is a Black man.” Wait…what?

(Actually, Billy Ray Cyrus seems to be a pretty good guy and didn’t say that last part at all…does that surprise you?… but then of course there would be no way to tie the whole gag together, now, would there? Still, the fact that he didn’t even mention the President just proves that Satan didn’t do it just cause Bama is a knee-grow.)