Hillary Clinton Arrested following Rebuke by Pentagon, more Arrests Rumored

Washington, DC (APE) – Roughly 3000 campaign supporters and well-wishers were disappointed late yesterday, as New York Senator Hillary Clinton was taken into custody prior to a scheduled appearance. Although details are sketchy at present, the senator appears to have been arrested on the strength of a complaint from the Pentagon yesterday that her growing outspoken criticism of the Iraq war was beginning to endanger the overall mission. Rumors circulated late last night that other arrests were expected later today.

Clinton was arrested after a letter to her from Undersecretary of Defense Eric Edelman was made public. In the letter Edelman states, “Premature and public discussion of the withdrawal of U.S. forces from Iraq reinforces enemy propaganda that the United States will abandon its allies in Iraq, much as we are perceived to have done in Vietnam, Lebanon and Somalia.” He added that “such talk understandably unnerves the very same Iraqi allies we are asking to assume enormous personal risks.”

“People are going to have to understand that the surge, for the last six months, has been in a delicate opening stage, and will continue to be so until such point in time that commanders on the ground deem that enough progress has been made to declare the surge fully operational with any chance for success,” stated White House press secretary Tony Snow. “We are at war, plain and simple, and this administration will not allow America to lose this one, like others in the past, as a result of a very few misguided individuals. This is the battle of the bilge… er, bulge , and were all going to have to suck it up and push on through for our troops. I’m sure the senator didn’t mean to intentionally catapult propaganda, but the end results are the same.”

A spokesman for former President Bill Clinton stated that he had spoken with his wife, and that she was currently being detained in an undisclosed location. The spokesperson stated that the former president was anticipating being questioned later today and intended to fully cooperate with authorities.

Justice Department officials refused to discuss rumors that a number of high-level arrests of other individuals was pending for later today.

A Bush administration insider stated that the president seems to have found a new sense of confidence and purpose on the heels of a number of recent legal victories, including the dismissal of the civil suit against the administration by leaked undercover CIA operative Valerie Plame. The White House further today stated that the Justice Department would not respond to future requests from Congress in regards to enforcement of subpoenas for testimony from administration officials, citing the need to enforce the concept of “the unitary executive privilege”, particularly during wartime.