Hillary Clinton Breaks Nascar Speed Record Leaving South Carolina

Unconfirmed sources report that Sen. Hillary Clinton has smashed the Nascar speed record set by Bill Elliot in 1987. Clinton set the new mark while fleeing South Carolina after early returns showed her losing the Democratic Primary there to Barrack Obama by nearly 30 points. The new record is yet to be fully verified but initial reports put the senators speed at just over 220 mph, beating the old record by over 8 mph.


The record was set by Clinton in a highly modified Chevy Suburban, which the campaign travels with in case of emergencies. The vehicle appears stock on the outside, but inside sports a complete roll cage and a nitrous oxide system. The engine under the hood is also highly modified and reportedly generates over 4000 horse power. Reporters tried to keep up with the senator as she fled, but even a news helicopter was no match for the speedster.

“It’s a truly historic feat of driving skill.” Says Ken Elder, an avid Nascar fan and South Carolina resident. “220 in a car like that takes nerves of steel and real guts. I gotta tell you, if she had do this before the primary she might not have gotten whopped so bad.”

There is no question the Clinton campaign wants to put this defeat behind them, one wonders if there is a vehicle on earth that has speed enough to do it.