Washington, DC (APE) – Michigan representative Peter Hoekstra and Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman in a combined press conference yesterday announced the exposure of an Al-Qaeda sympathetic mole somewhere in the chain between the intelligence community and the White House. Hoekstra stated that evidence for the mole’s existence was scant at this time, but he felt that there was enough to make public the allegation.
“Clearly, when leaks hurt the White House, they aid the enemy,” stated Hoekstra, “It’s as simple as that. The existence of a mole follows logically, we just have to determine whether there has been an actual compromise in security with an infiltration, or if we are facing a mole of the traitorous, home grown variety.”
Hoekstra went on to elaborate that there had been a number of “disinformational” bait stations set from the east lawn of the White House to even the hallowed grounds of Arlington, and that it would be only a matter of time before the mole was caught.
Hoekstra was asked if their going public at this point would not result in the mole simply becoming scared and going underground. “I don’t think so”, he replied, “When you understand the nature of a mole, they are driven to selfishly consume and destroy… it’s what they do.”
Lieberman added, “I guess that I’m hoping that it turns out to be an infiltration … that is at least more understandable. The thought of one of our own switching sides and betraying us is just so foreign to me.”
Lieberman was then asked to distinguish between a whistleblower and a mole. “Moles are, in a way blinded, by their own hubris, they just destroy everything that gets in their way for self gain. A whistleblower, on the other hand, might work in secret but he truly has the best interests of America at heart. Besides, a mole would never attract attention to itself by blowing a whistle… I would seriously doubt that they even could… have you ever seen their teeth?”