(Washington–D.C.) In the middle of former FEMA head Michael Brown defending himself against the e-mails of confusion he wrote while Katrina raged and former Dick Cheney Chief of Staff Lewis Libby pleading not guilty to grand jury obstruction of justice charges, Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard “I Have A Scream” Dean sent out a bi-partisan shock wave today. Dean announced that the Democratic Party will be endorsing a Brown-Libby 2008 Republican Presidential ticket.
Dean sat in his office dressed in signature red sweater vest and contentedly munched on a tuna melt. “I have weighed all of the options, and I just don’t see us having any candidates that can hurt the Republican Party as much as these two guys. That’s why I’m calling them The Nightmare Team. Get it?” Dean then leaned forward to make his point. But ever the politician, he quickly pulled back, realizing that essence of tuna melt on his breath may cause some offense. “See,” added Dean, “I know when I stink. And I know when I’m sweet. And this idea is Chanel No.5.”
However, Democrats generally are against the candidate choice. “My husband did a lot of, uh, inventive things when he was in the Governor’s Mansion and then in the White House, but this would make even him have to go for another bypass,” said the Junior Senator from New York Hillary Clinton. “I consider myself pretty good at strategy. Am I missing something, or is my Party being lead by a moron?”
Dean’s reaction to the comment was nonplus as he popped an Altoid. “In 2000, we called George Bush a moron. Now, we’re in the second term of calling him President Moron. Follow me on this logic. By the Democratic Party backing two Republican incompetents, we should be able to get one mediocre Democratic in the White House.”
Admittedly, there remain some obstacles in Dean’s strategy. “As a Party, we don’t really have enough funding to buy non-generic toilet paper much less fund a campaign for our candidates and The Nightmare Team, and I don’t know if the GOP will get behind a Republican ticket endorsed by Democrats.” But Dean remains confident. “It’s a long way to New Hampshire, and as long as Libby doesn’t go to jail until then, I think we’ve got a shot.”
Dean refused to comment if there was any truth to the rumor that he was also attempting to convince Tom DeLay to manage the campaign.