United States Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney’s former Chief of Staff, I. Lewis (Scooter) Libby, was arrested by Federal Bureau of Investigation agents at Virginia’s Dulles International Airport one day after his conviction for perjury and obstruction of justice and lying to the FBI during a federal investigation into the suspected leak of a covert CIA agent’s identity. Mr. Libby, who was free on his own recognizance pending his attorney’s request for a new trial or appeal, was detained at the South African Airways ticket counter where he was attempting to use his cancelled White House American Express slush fund card to purchase a one way ticket on flight 208 to Johannesburg, SA.
Apparently, Mr. Libby felt his chances of having any sane judge overturn his conviction or winning on appeal were somewhat less than stellar and decided that an extended vacation on the African continent was just the thing to chase away the winter blues.
As Mr. Libby was taken into custody, passengers in the terminal reportedly heard his screaming as he scuffled with Federal agents and airport security, “It was that dick, Dick! It wasn’t me! Karl screwed me, that fuck! Pardon me! Pardon me, or I’ll flip on all of em, I swear! Ow! Those cuffs hurt!”
Newly renamed former Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Poor little Scooter; we were all just devastated to find out that Dick and the Decider chose him to fall on the sword. Don’t get me wrong…better him than me and all that, but still, it hurts. Not as much a the Scoot’s hurting mind you, but we do feel his pain…that is, until the appeals run out and he’s in the general population; then we’ve never heard of the stupid fuck.”