Washington, DC (Rotters) – A spokesperson for the offices of Idaho Senator Larry Craig late tonight announced that the senator would be resigning his position in the Mitt Romney presidential campaign and would be checking into a controversial sexual rehab clinic located in Florida. This announcement came after it was revealed earlier today that the senator had pled guilty to a disorderly conduct charge after being arrested in a men’s bathroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul international Airport.
Craig staffers had earlier insisted that the senator had simply pled guilty for the sake of expediency, when in reality he had committed no offense.
A Police statement indicated that Craig had been peeking through the door of a stall occupied by an undercover policeman in a bathroom well known for illegal public sexual conduct. The statement further alleged that Craig went into the adjacent stall and attempted to nudge the foot of the undercover policeman and eventually reached under the stall with his hand.
Craig earlier in the day had explained away the apparent inappropriate contact by insisting that he had “a wide stance”, and that the contact was inadvertent. He also stated that he indeed had reached under the stall but was simply attempting to retrieve a piece of paper that he had dropped.
Late this evening police authorities confirmed that Craig had indeed appeared to be passing a piece of paper underneath the stall and that this was taken into evidence. The paper is reportedly a series of pictures of a partially nude Vladimir Putin on a fishing trip in Russia.
“The senator now recognizes that he has a problem,” stated a Craig staffer, “and for the sake of his wife and his family he has elected to enter a treatment program for his affliction.”
The new program called simply, “Promises, Promises” is based in Fort Lauderdale Florida and attempts to treat latent homosexuality through sensory flooding techniques. Former Florida Representative Mark Foley has stepped forward and agreed to be Craig’s sponsor throughout the program and upon discharge.