United States President George W. Bush, after touring the devastated Gulf Coast and glancing at the city of New Orleans has declared that, “This Terrorism by Mother Nature will not be allowed to go unpunished.” Back in full Sheriff Mode after an August spent hiding on his Texas ranch from Cindy Sheehan, with only brief foray’s off his spread to get some money from wealthy Republican donors, Mr. Bush has pledged to fight what he termed, “The ultimate Eco-Terrorism…Nature itself.”
Mr. Bush declared, ” We will fight Nature and all it’s evils wherever we find it…in the Oceans, in the Wetlands, in the Forests and Mountains. Wherever there is a wave, anytime we see a cloud on the clear horizon, a flake of snow or a drop of rain, we will combat it with every weapon in our arsenal: Chemicals, chainsaws, bulldozers and backhoes. Nature must understand that we Americans will not tolerate Natural Disasters, no sir, not while I’m President.”
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” You know, I’ve just about had it. I’ve spent years with this bozo, figuring it was a good bet to stay with the Power, even if it was held by some of the most insane Evangelical Conservative fanatics imaginable. Sure, I’ve made a pile with my Defense Stocks and Oil Futures, but I gotta tell ya, looking at the stupidity of this guy in the face of an even worse disaster than 9/11 and Iraq, I’m just ready to puke.”
When asked if this meant he would resign his post as Unnamed White House Source for the Bush Administration in protest, Waterhouse responded, “What are you, insane? Do you what would happen to me if I left the White House knowing what I know? The secrets, the treason, the lies? Jesus, I’d be safer in New Orleans.”
On a brighter note, Mr. Bush did promise Senator Trent Lott that he would make sure that that Mr. Lott’s beachfront home would be repaired and be bigger and better than ever before. Then the President also suggested that any poor people left alive might have a place to live one day as well.