New York, NY (APE) – Psy, short for Psyops has found a new home at “Ripley’s Believe it or Not” Museum in New York City. Psy is an incredibly rare Albino Bush-Monkey who was born with only one eye and no nose. A large portion of the world continues to write him off as a hoax, not believing him capable of survival for over six years. It is hoped that the new display will go a long way towards dispelling some of these rumors.
Psy, or “George” as some of his keepers have nicknamed him, has stunned scientists and pundits alike with his continued survival for over six years now. They describe him as loveable and pleasant natured in one on one situations, but they also stated that if he feels threatened, he becomes aggressive and reckless. “We were originally concerned about his welfare when we agreed to the exhibit,” stated one of Psy’s keepers, a Dr. Karl, “but then Ripley’s assured us that the exhibit would take into account George’s limitations. He will have a specially designed viewing room in which he will only be able to see one person at a time… he’ll never be able to tell the difference.”
Karl continued, “Due to his having only one eye, he inherently has no depth perception, and as near as we can tell, he’s ‘dumber than a bag of hammers’. That’s what so fun about “George” he just doesn’t seem capable of learning from mistakes. You really feel for him, but it’s darned funny to just sit back and watch him do the same stupid things over and over again and expect the outcome to be different. He really seems to enjoy it.”
Veterinarians stated that Psy also suffers from a rare disorder called “gelastic seizures” which are marginally controlled, and often brought on by stress. During one of these attacks, Psy is noted to smirk and giggle incessantly. While most primates are adept at rudimentary forms of communication, Psy has failed at all attempts at acquiring communication skills, such as sign language or drawing. He has, however, learned a few rudimentary obscene gestures which he uses at inappropriate times, according to his handlers. All attempts to teach him writing and drawing have resulted in Psy just eating the crayons and giggling, and he reportedly likes the red ones best.
Psy’s exhibition will be the centerpiece of a group of associated exhibits dealing with rapid genetic mutations and the destruction of the global environment under the Bush Administration. Other exhibits will include dwarf sequoias, toxic sludge, and a microscopic “Glee Club” composed of sentient embryonic blastocysts.