Insurgents Attack Balloons at Macy's Parade, Injuring Two

New York, NY (Rotters) – Insurgents struck today in New York City at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Fortunately only two minor injuries were reported. Native American insurgents targeted the giant balloons with bows and arrows from the sidewalks and brought down 10 of them before dispersing quietly into the crowds. Police have been confiscating still and video cameras in an effort to track down those responsible.


No group has officially stepped forward to take responsibility for the attack but rumor has it is that this was in response to the perceived insult of the traditional celebration of Thanksgiving which marks what many describe as historically the beginning of an American Indian genocide at the hands of white men. Also in the news recently there has been the high profile trial of Tom Delay’s former associate Jack Abramoff on the charges of bilking over $80 million from two separate Indian tribes.

A police spokesman was quoted as saying that the strike took the police forces completely off guard and that the 10 balloons were downed virtually before anyone was able to react. Included among the casualties were Kermit the Frog, SpongeBob, the Rugrats, Dora the Explorer, the Cat in the Hat, and the M&M’s chocolate candies. “It happened so fast,” said a spectator. “They dropped like rocks.”

The current Bush administration has a long-standing history of neglect in regards to Indian affairs and it was further speculated that this may have been part of the reason for the attack. A spokesperson for Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff stated that they were taken aback by the effectiveness of such extremely low tech weaponry. The archers were also reportedly using hollow pointed and shafted arrows, not unlike the theory behind the spike strips that police use to flatten the tires of suspects in high-speed chases.

Homeland security and the Bush administration afterwards seemed to continue to circle the wagons and defend the effectiveness of their response to the attack. They maintained that the those that perpetrated this attack would be caught and brought to justice. There was no official word as to whether the terror alert level would be raised over the incident.