Iraq Study Groups Fails to Reach President Bush

Unconfirmed sources report that the Iraq Study Group lead by Howard Baker and Lee Hamilton has failed to reach the President. The President remains sealed in the impenetrable bubble that he entered over 6 years ago. All of Washington is saddened by the failure of the ISG to communicate with President Bush, very few think there is any hope to reestablish contact with the President in the future.

The failure of the ISG was announced yesterday in a report that documented over 8 months of work.

“We did our best to communicate with the President.” Says long time Bush family friend, James Baker. “Ten men spent 8 months putting together a plan to somehow make contact with the Mr. Bush, but I’m afraid we have failed. The bubble that surrounds the President is unlike anything I have ever seen. It is clear, but somehow absolutely impenetrable.”

The team apparently tried every means at their disposal to try and breach the bubble that surrounds the President. First they tried speaking, then yelling, then power tools, but nothing worked. Eventually heavy construction and drilling equipment was brought in. Alas, even the equipment brought in by drilling supply giant Halliburton couldn’t puncture the spherical structure surrounding the President.

US Military personnel equipped with secret laser and particle beam cannons couldn’t free the President from his prison.

Considering the failure of the IGS and others it has become apparent to many that Mr. Bush will remain locked inside his bubble indefinitely.