Unconfirmed sources report that the Bush administration has decided that the experts of the Iraq Survey Group are needed here at home. The Iraq Survey Group which had been tasked with finding the make believe WMD will be assigned to Washington where they will search for make believe problems with Social Security.
“These guys are very talented at looking for things nobody thinks are there.” Said Retired Army General Bob “blood and guts” Johnson. “These guys have been stomping around in Iraq for the last two years looking for imaginary WMD. They are just the kind of people the President is going to need to look for imaginary problems with Social Security. Every body knows that there is nothing very seriously wrong with Social Security, but the Iraq Survey Group is gong to make a real good show at looking anyway. They are a good men, they will do a good job.”
“Another political master stroke by The President.” Explained Tucker Carlson, a right wing nut job and John Stewart’s bitch. “The President has a way to grasping the essential contradiction of an issue and making it sound like it makes sense. Take the Iraq Survey Group, for example. Bush knew there where no WMD in Iraq, so he sent 2000 men and spent two billion dollars to look for what he knew wasn’t there. He is now doing the same thing, he knows there isn’t really a problem with Social Security so lets spend lots of time and money finding a make believe problem and fixing it. You have to hand it the man, he very lets logic interfere with his clear thinking on an issue.”
Iraq Survey Group leader Charles Duelfer spoke to reporters in Washington after the announcement. “We are very proud of the job we have done in Iraq, but it is time to move on, time to find new and even more ridiculous things to look for. We are very excited at the prospect of giving the President political cover for more of his lousy policy decisions. I just hope that after we find non-existent problems with Social Security the President does as good a job at fixing them as he has in Iraq.”