SALEM MASS. — I recently came across an inquiry on a blog website asking if Ann Coulter, aka “pottymouth” , is secretly a witch. No one seemed to know the answer, so I presented the question to Jenson Witherspoon who is the warlock of the pagan wiccan in Salem, Mass.

Warlock Witherspoon said that although she acts and looks like a witch, she isn’t. ” She’s what we call a neo-‘pagan’.” said Witherspoon, “One who acts like a witch, but does not have the necessary integrity and character to be certified. Although she has several times begged to be admitted, she dismally failed spirit evocation, mystical potions and sorcery, but the snakes, toads, and brimstone coming from her mouth were quite convincing.”

“So,Coulter is not a witch, but perhaps something else that ends in …itch?”