Is Tom DeLay Guilty? Who Cares!

A Texas grand jury has charged Rep. Tom DeLay and two of his crooked buddies with conspiracy in a campaign finance scheme. The indictment could have forced him to step down as House majority leader, but Tom Delay has nothing to fear as The Republican controlled House of Representatives has voted on an Emergency Rules Change that would allow Texan Tom DeLay to continue on as Speaker of the House in spite of the fact that he has been indicted.

See the Bill of Indictment here.

The new rules would allow Mr. DeLay to continue in the Speakers post eventhough he has been charged, tried, convicted and sentenced to death for crimes consisting of but not limited to illegal fund raising, illegal use of the FAA to track down Democratic rivals, illegal redistricting of Texas Congressional Seats to benefit Republican candidates, sodomy, murder, cross dressing, genocide and finally, the illegal use of a nuclear weapon.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Sure Tommy has some faults; who among us doesn’t? Except the President of course, don’t even start that crap…he’s Gods Anointed even if he does have the occasional Man Date so I don’t want to hear it.

“Anyway, back to Tommy. The point is that Democrats are vicious, lying, cheating scum who have no compulsion about using something as trivial as Tom DeLay being indicted for, say, rape and murder against him for their own political gains. It’s not like he supported Abortion or Gay Marriage or anything, so we’re square with the Christian Fundamentalists. Fundamentalists don’t seem to care about breaking laws as long as we don’t use dirty words. Naturally, that doesn’t mean that Dick Cheney has a problem since Christian Fundamentalists also seem to overlook dirty words too as long as they come from their candidates.

Mr. DeLay and company have had a bit of a rough year, legally speaking. Three of Mr. DeLay’s top aides have already been indicted in Texas for breaking laws regarding his fund raising activities. Mr. DeLay has also been accused of illegally soliciting campaign contributions, laundering campaign contributions to influence state legislative races and the improper use of his office to influence various federal agencies. Rebuked by a House Ethics Committee at the end of September for pressuring a fellow member of the House to switch his vote on a health care bill, Mr. DeLay has also been subpoenaed to give information regarding his use of the Federal Aviation Administration to track down a plane owned by a rival Texas Democrat who fled the state rather than allow Mr. DeLay to illegally change voting district boundaries to aid his fellow Republicans.

Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of even more anonymity said, “I know that changing the rules to allow Tom to serve even if he’s charged with mass murder just two weeks after the election may look strange, but think about it: if we waited till Tom was actually in prison the vote might then have been more difficult. As it is we’re terribly busy installing audio/video hookups to Tom’s future prison cell so he can continue to participate in the Democratic Process even after sentencing, so it’s good to get this done now.”