Saturday, October 08, 2005
United States President George W. Bush, in an effort to breath new life into his policy of “Peace Through World Domination” has compared the fight against terrorism to the Cold War of the latter half of the twentieth century. Saying that Radical Extremists like the Osama bin Ladens’, Abu Musab Zarqawis’ and Nancy Pelosis’ of today are much like the Adolph Hitlers’ , Josef Stalins’ and Franklin Delano Roosevelts’ of yesterday, Mr. Bush has vowed to continue the struggle against the evildoers “for ever and ever and ever.” The President, anxious to counter allegations that his sagging poll numbers have caused him to lose control of his motor skills also demonstrated his ability to put his finger in mouth.
To prove his commitment to the struggle, Mr. Bush has spent the last several weeks learning the newly minted hyphenate “Islamo-Fascism” which Karl Rove taught him. At five syllables and twelve letters, the new description rolls trippingly of the tongue and seems guaranteed to revitalize the publics flagging support for the old War On Terror. White House advisors theorize that any description that’s difficult to pronounce or understand will only add to the confusion of Mr. Bush’s core base and thus increase their support, since now that they finally seem to know what he’s doing they’re none too pleased.
Mr. Bush also referred to the estimated 345,987,521 attempted Islamo attacks that his government has foiled in years following 9/11 ranging from a somewhat ambitious attempt to blow up the known universe to a plot to assassinate a small Pomeranian dog named Mr. Boodles, who is owned by the wife of Festus P. Hyman of Billings, Montana. Senior law enforcement officials interviewed after the President’s remarks expressed confusion as to the actual number of foiled terrorist plots, saying their calculations put the number much lower; actually their estimate of foiled plots was zero. Mr. Boodles was unavailable for comment.
As if the warning of a long, protracted cold war style conflict wasn’t dire enough, in a further and equally chilling prediction, Mr. Bush warned that as long as he or people like him controlled the White House the killing would not only continue but escalate. “God spoke to me yet again,” Mr. Bush said, “and told me that. So you can see, God is firmly in my camp. I am the Finger of God.” God, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” Yeah, yeah, he’s my finger alright…I just never said which one.”