Jerry Falwell demands gays and lesbians be ejected from heaven

(Ucs News) Unconfirmed Sources report the recently deceased Rev. Jerry Falwell is already causing a ruckus in the kingdom of heaven. The Reverend Falwell, well know for his outspoken apposition to homosexuals is demanding that God remove the gays from heaven.

Apparently the Rev. Falwell was disappointed when he arrived in heaven and found that he would be sharing his higher reward with both gays and lesbians.

The enraged Falwell then demaded the holy father strike down the offending gay and lesbian angels “With the Blazing Lance of Righteous Might”. However, To Falwells eternal consternation the King of Kings refused to cast gays down from heaven.

Falwell has made his position on gays clear to the Lord on many occasions before his death. After the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, Falwell said abortionists, feminists, gays and others “have tried to sodomize America … helped this happen.”

The Rev. Jerry Falwell is remembered by thousands as a champion of conservative Christian values who turned the religious right into a powerful force in American politics. Falwell is also remembered by many as a bigoted, intolerant, egomaniacal blow hard.

“He was a champion of the fundamental values that we hold dear,” fellow evangelist Pat Robertson said as he entered the sanctuary during Falwell’s funeral mass. “and he wasn’t afraid to bust in some heads while doing it.”