Jerry Falwell Issues Fatwah

America has once again been threatened by Radical Clerics. In a video taped message Conservative Imam Jerry Falwell has issued a Fatwah against what he perceives to be the Infidels in the Liberal northern and western parts of the country. Imam Falwell has announced the formation of a new sect called The Faith and Values Coalition which he described as the “21st century resurrection of the Spanish Inquisition”.

Imam Falwell has vowed to rid the country of what he described as ” sick, disgusting queer people and those who consider them their friends, whether or not they agree or approve of a faggot lifestyle.” The Radical Cleric also condemned any idea that Americans should allow anyone to live any lifestyle that doesn’t meet with his personal ideas of morality. This would include those who believe in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights which Imam Falwell described as ” a shining example of Political Thought that absolutely has to be suppressed and shredded.”

Some of the platforms in the newly formed Christian Jihad Movement are the endorsement of the stoning to death of unmarried pregnant women (But not the men who get them pregnant) the removal and eventual execution of Liberal Judges, Unitarians and Jews, Blacks (but not Hispanics, which Falwell has described as “colored, but not darkies. Either way, they seem to vote with us against their best interests and for now that’s good enough, at least until we deport the little brown Catholic heathens back to Mexico”) and finally the acceptance of George W. Bush as God’s representative on Earth, after the Imam Falwell himself, of course.

Americans in general seem to accepted the Imam Falwell’s issuance of the Fatwah with little uproar, as a new episode of Will and Grace was on at the time and no one could be bothered to think about the destruction of their civil liberties and the rape of America.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Look, you gotta understand that at times Falwell scares even us, but he pulled out the base so we owe him big time. Sure we’re concerned about Abortion and Gay Marriage, but our main focus is War and World Domination. If Falwell wants to dictate the moral code of the conquered, that’s no skin off our ass.”