Jerry Falwell Sends Easter Greetings to Insurgents in Iraq

Baghdad, Iraq (Rotters) – Jerry Falwell sent a message to Iraqi insurgents and others who target American Servicemen: “Sending you to hell! If you can’t pick a leader, we’ll do it for you!” He inscribed this on a missile loaded aboard an un-manned predator drone based in Iraq.

Falwell accompanied a group of US governors including the President’s brother, Jeb Bush of Florida, Mitch Daniels of Indiana, Tom Vilsack of Iowa, and Joe Manchin of West Virginia on a fact finding/support tour of Iraq over the Easter weekend. They toured military facilities and shared meals with troops stationed there. The visit seemed to have a dual purpose of supporting the troops while attempting to pressure Iraqis to push forwards with the formation of a new government.

“This is an incredible country,” stated Falwell. “Homosexuality is simply not tolerated here, so the issue of same sex marriage is non-existant. The average Iraqi would never even consider an abortion, why… the mother would be put to death first. These are a people ripe for what Christianity has to offer, so the sooner that the country is stabilized, the better, and whatever it takes. I guess it’s referred to as ‘the fertile crescent’ for a reason.”

The group bid farewell to the troops and left under cover of darkness during the early dawn hours Sunday and was expected back in the United States by early Monday morning. The group reportedly took lots of pictures within the Green Zone and at various heavily guarded and hardened installations. Group leader Jeb Bush stated that they were all looking forward to returning home and spreading the word to America about how stable the country has become.